The Feud
by ConvolutedMemories
Summary: Good answers, bad answers and everything in between when the Pierces along with Santana go on the Family Feud.


_**The Pierces(with special guest Santana Lopez) and The Hudson-Hummels battle it out for a lot of cash on another episode of Family Feud.  
**_

_**A/N: Re-posting because it got removed. So, enjoy...again.  
**_

_**I own nothing.  
**_

* * *

_Music starts playing. Lots of applause and screaming._

"_It's time to play Family Feud! Let's give it up for our host and star of the show, Steve Harvey!"_

_Steve appears smiling and waving and embracing his awesomeness._

"Thank you, thank you. How's everybody doing?" He says to the rowdy audience. "Welcome to Family Feud. I'm your host you should know by now and today we have two families battling it out for a lot of cash and a new car!"

_More applause and excitement._

"So, Let's meet our families. We're gunna start off with the Pierces." He goes over to their table and shakes Mr. Pierce's hand. "Rob, how you been?"

"I'm doing good Steve! Ready to bring home the money!"

"Good answer, Honey!" Mrs. Pierce shouts.

"Good answer is right. Why don't you introduce your team?"

"Sure. Here is my lovely wife, Susan. My darling daughter Brittany, her girlfriend Santana and to the very end is Rory, a foreign exchange student from Ireland who's staying with us."

"Nice, nice," Steve says nodding his head. "Well good luck and let's meet our other family." He heads over to the Hudson-Hummels. "How's it goin, Burt?"

"We're ready to win, right guys!" Burt claps and says.

"Introduce the rest of your family to us."

"Well Steve, we have my wife, Carole, our son, Finn, his girlfriend, Rachel-"

"Berry! I'm Rachel Berry and it's nice to meet you, Steve." Rachel grins into the camera. "I'm actually doing this for Kurt, my best gay friend. Finn and I are not on speaking terms," she explains, glaring at her fiancé.

"Sometimes I forget to put the toilet seat back down. Big deal!"

"We are not having this discussion here, Finn."

"And finally our other son, Kurt," Burt continues.

Steve laughs a little. "Nice family," he says. He goes to the centre of the stage. "Such wonderful families on both ends but I think it's time to play, Feud!"

_The Crowd goes wild_.

"Rob, Burt, let's play!"

The two fathers make their way to the podium and shake each other's hands.

"Top seven answers on the board. We asked 100 people to name something a little kid might tell you about Santa Claus."

_Rob buzzes in first._

"Rob?"

"He's jolly."

Mr. Harvey turns to the board. "He's Jolly!"

_Number two._

"One answer can top this, Burt."

"I'm gunna say that He's fat."

"Let's see if that's up there.."

"_He's plump" is number one._

"Yes!" Finn shouts from over at their corner.

"So Burt, are you going to pass or play?"

He looks to his family then says, "we'll play!"

"Ok, let's play." Steve follows Burt over to the others. "Carole, how you doing?"

"Great."

"So you and the Pierces are close?"

"Oh yea. Our kids go to the same school so this is all for fun. We've both decided that whoever wins, some of the money will go towards the school's glee club."

"Alright. So tell me your answer. Something a little kid might tell you about Old Saint Nick?"

"He brings presents."

"Good answer. Let's see.. He brings Presents!"

_Number six._

"Ok, Finn. You were really excited when your father won the face off."

"Yea, I get really excited for everything."

Steve raises one eyebrow and smirks. "Everything?"

"Pretty much."

Steve chuckles. "Alright. Tell me your answer, Son."

"Uh, he isn't real," Finn smiles and says.

"A little kid would tell you that Santa Claus is not real?" Mr. Harvey asks disbelievingly.

"Wait." Finn wrinkles his brow. "Can I change that?"

"No. Survey says..."

_Buzzer._

"Ooh, sorry Finn." Steve moves on to the next person. "Ms. Rachel Berry."

"Hello Steve."

"You haven't stopped grinning since the show started."

"Well I'm really excited to be here and I'm ready to shine!"

"I see, well give us your answer."

"I'll have to say that he resides at the North Pole."

"Survey says!"

_Number seven_.

"Good answer, Rachel."

"I may have to disagree with you, Steve. That answer is clearly the lowest up there and I thrive to be the best. I demand another go at it or you move my answer to a higher spot."

"No."

"I meant to say that he's real!" Finn cuts in. "Can I go again? Please?"

"No." Steve stares at him blankly while shaking his head. He goes to the next person. "Kurt, you guys are off to a good start. Are you feeling lucky tonight?"

"Well, I think we have enough smart people to take home the win, so yes."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Do you have an answer for us Kurt?"

"Let's just go with what my _half_ brother failed to say, that Santa Claus is real."

"Survey says."

_Number five._

"Ok, the Hudson-Hummels are still going strong with only one strike. Burt, back to you. Name something a little kid might tell you about Santa Claus."

"Let's see, uh, he rides in a sleigh?"

_Buzzer._

"Ooh, that's two strikes. Carole, you know what that means. If you get this answer wrong, the Pierces have a chance of stealing your points."

"Not gunna happen, Steve," she reassures. "I'm gunna say..."

_Meanwhile, over at the Pierces' corner.._

"You guys, we should say that he loves cookies and milk," Susan proposes to everyone.

Mr. Pierce agrees. "Yes, that's a perfect answer. We'll say that if-"

"He loves cookies and Milk!"

"Survey says..."

_Number three._

"Scratch that. What else can we think of?"

"He has elves?" Rory suggests.

Brittany shakes her head. "I think we should say that he wears a red suit. I mean that's his signature look."

Santana nods. "I agree with Britt."

"I don't think that's a strong enough answer, Sweetheart."

"Trust me, Dad."

_The buzzer goes off signalling the third strike for the other team._

"That's three strikes which means the Pierces can steal this round." Steve arrives at their table. "Well Rob, you only have one shot to get this," he leans in and says. "Name something a little kid might tell you about Santa Claus.."

"Um...well, we're going to say that.." Mr. Pierce looks to Brittany who gives him a reassuring nod. "We'll say that...he has worker elves."

"Are you sure?"

"No, not really but I think it's a good answer. Right guys?"

Rory and Mrs. Pierce clap and agree, Santana rolls her eyes and Brittany looks a bit confused.

"Ok. You said.." Steve turns to the board. "He has elves!"

_Buzzer._

"That means the Hudson-Hummels take the first round!" Steve says to the audience. "Let's see what the number four answer was..."

Everybody reads, "He wears a red suit."

Brittany looks pointedly at her father. "I told you, Dad."

"Don't sweat it, Brittany," he tells her. "We can still win this. it's only the first round.."

_The Pierces lose the second round.._

_During commercial break.._

"We fucking suck," Santana says while fixing Brittany's hair. "Whose idea was it to even come on this show?"

"Yours."

"Let's not lose focus guys," Mr. Pierce cuts in. "We have two more rounds to try and win this."

Santana rolls her eyes."We could've won the last round if Rory had stopped acting like he looks."

"Well sorry for being from a country where all the right answers are potato."

"Brittany was right. We should've gone with Tubbs over him."

"Told you."

Mr. Pierce pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. "Look, what's done is done. Let's not dwell on the past. Brittany is up against Finn next and I know we can win this face off. The kid's slower than a 1970's computer."

"Right."

"And we're back!" Steve announces. "If you're just tuning in, we have reached the double round where the points are worth a little bit more. The Hudson-Hummels are in the lead with 139 points while the Pierces still remain at zero. Brittany, Finn, let's play!"

"Hi Brittany," Finn greets when they reach the podium.

"Hey Finn. Good luck."

"Thanks, you too."

"Alright you guys, we have the top seven answers on the board," Steve begins. "We asked one hundred people to name something you might stay in and do on a rainy day."

_Brittany buzzes in first.._

"Brittany! Tell us your answer."

"Watch a movie."

"Survey says!"

_Number three._

"Finn, you have a chance to steal."

"Uh..eat?"

"Survey says!"

_Buzzer._

"Brittany are you going to play or pass?"

"We're gunna play, Steve!"

"Ok, Let's go." Steve goes over to the Pierces. "Santana, you're Brittany's girlfriend right?"

"That's right."

"How long have you two been together?"

"Sleep."

"What?"

"My answer is sleep."

Steve steps back a little. For a split second, he had no idea what she was talking about. Then it hit him."Oh, ok. I see how this goes," He says, regaining his composure. "You want me to mind my own damn business."

Santana folds her arms. "Good answer, Sherlock."

Mr. Harvey chuckles lightly. "Ok." He turns to the board. "Survey says."

_Number two._

"Mr. Ireland! You look nervous?"

Rory wipes the beads of sweat off his forehead. "Kinda." he laughs. "But mainly because I'm standing next to Santana."

"I understand, Kid." Steve looks to the girl in question who is filing her fingernails. "I understand."

"Relax, Irish. Too many witnesses," she states calmly and continues filing.

"What's you answer, Rory?"

"I'll say playing video games."

"Good answer. Let's see, playing video games!"

_Buzzer._

"Sorry, Son. it's not up there."

"Typical." Santana scoffs.

"Rob, what do you have for us?"

"I hate to say this but make love."

"Wanky."

_Number four._

"Susan! You guys have one strike, what's your answer? Name something you might stay in and do on a rainy day."

"Steve, when it's raining outside, I like to curl up with a good book. So I'll say, read!"

"Good answer, Honey!"

"Ok. Read!"

_Number one._

"Nice answer, Susan," Steve says before turning his attention to Brittany. "Brittany, we're back to you. Name something you might stay in and do on a rainy day."

"Since I can't go anywhere, this is usually the perfect time for my mom to make me do my homework."

"So your answer is do homework?"

"No. My answer is clean."

"So why did you talk about doing homework?"

Brittany shrugs. "I dunno."

Steve shakes his head before turning to the board. "Clean."

_Number Seven._

"Santana.."

"Listen to music."

_Number six._

"Rory, name something you might stay in and do on a rainy day."

"Masturbate."

Steve's smile falters. "Masturbate?" He asks. "Boy, are you Serious?"

"Yes, what better time?"

Steve shakes his head for the umpteenth time. "ok, is it up there."

_Buzzer._

"Back to you, Rob. Two strikes, one more answer. It's all on you."

"Well that's comforting to know."

"Isn't it? So what's your answer?"

"I honestly don't know, Steve. Um.." Mr. Pierce hesitates. "Uh...Potato?"

_Buzzer._

"Wrong answer, Rob," Steve says as he goes over to the other family. "Hudson-Hummels! Tell me your answer. Name something you might stay in and do on a rainy day."

"Play a board game."

"Play a board game? Not a video game but a board game. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Is it up there?"

_Buzzer._

"That means the Pierces take this round and are finally on the board! We have to take a short commercial break but don't go anywhere!"

_During the commercial break.._

Brittany and Santana make their way over to the Hudson-Hummels.

Finn spots them first. "Brittany, Santana, what are you doing over here?"

"We're just coming to wish you guys good luck," Brittany smiles and says.

Finn raises one eyebrow. "Ok? Thanks." He smiles. "You know, if we don-"

"Finn!" Rachel calls from behind him. "You can't be fraternizing with the enemy!"

"Shut it, Berry. We're not over here to stir shit up or anything," Santana tells her. She then turns to Kurt and smiles. "Kurt, loving your sweater by the way. It really compliments your baby teeth."

"Santana, you can't just come over here and-"

"Kurt, why didn't you ask Blaine to come on the show?" Brittany asks completely cutting off Rachel.

"I was afraid he might break into song." Kurt sighs.

"Back to places folks. We're on in five!" The announcer informs.

"So long, Losers."

_Five minutes later.._

"Welcome back. We are at the final round where the points are now tripled. The Hudson-Hummels have 139 and the Pierces, 66. Give me.." Steve frowns when he realizes who's up. "Oh lord," he sighs and says. "Give me Santana and give me Rachel."

"Why hello, Yentl." Santana smirks.

"Santana." Rachel nods. "Good luck."

"I don't need luck."

Steve rolls his eyes. "Let's get down to business. Top four answers on the board," he reads. "Name something you cannot buy without an I.D."

_Santana buzzes in._

"Santana.."

"I know these better than the back of my hand." She smiles. "Alcohol."

"Survey says."

_Number one._

"Pass or play, Santana?"

"Play."

"Let's go over to uh.." Steve stops in the middle of the stage. "Santana, that's not your spot."

"What are you talking about? Yes it is."

"You're in Rory's spot. It's his turn to answer."

"Can't I answer for him?"

"No. Please go back to your spot or you'll forfeit this round."

"I'll forfeit your face with my fist," she grumbles before going back to her place.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Rory.."

"Yes, Sir."

"Name something you can't buy without an I.D."

"Oh, I have a good one, Steve."

"Oh really? Let's hear it, Son."

"Porn. You need an I.D to get that."

Steve's brow furrows. "Seriously, what is wrong with you?"

"I think that's a good answ-."

_Buzzer_.

"Jesus Christ. I swear to god if we don't win this, I will punch you so hard, you'll be *bleep*ing shoe buckles until they ship you back."

Rory gulps. "Is it possible for me to get a change of pants?"

"Yea, go on Son. Moving on. Rob, what's your answer?"

"Lottery tickets?"

"Is it up there?" Steve says pointing to the screen.

_Number four_.

"Susan, tell me your answer."

"Uh.." Susan's mind goes blank. She has absolutely no idea what to say when she overhears Santana talking.

"Brittany, did Lord Tubbington quit his smoking addiction?"

"He's on the patch, why?"

Santana looks to Susan and smiles. "Oh nothing, just wanted to make sure that he's at least trying to kick his _smoking _addiction," she replies, making sure to put emphasis on a certain word.

Mrs. Pierce catches on quickly. "Cigarettes," she answers with no time to spare.

_Number two._

"Wait, that's not fair!" Finn argues. "Santana, you told her the answer!"

"Shut it, Big Bird. I ain't do squat."

Steve sighs inaudibly. "Let's get on with the show, people. I'm hungry. Brittany, what's your answer?"

"I've been around Santana a lot so I have a pretty good idea of what needs a fake I.D," she explains.

"Ok..what's your answer?"

"A gun."

"Good Answer, Britt! That's my girl!"

Steve pauses. "Wow," he says, looking from Brittany to Santana. "I'm not even gunna go there. I _don't_ wanna kno. Let's see... a gun."

"_Weapons" appears as number three._

With that, the Pierces win! The crowd is going wild, the Pierces are celebrating and Steve goes over to bid farewell to the other family.

"And the Pierces take this round for the win!" Mr. Harvey says as he goes to the centre of the stage. "Pierces, give me two people to play fast money."

Steve's face falls when he sees who they're sending out.

"You guys sure you wanna send out Satan?" he asks. "Rob, you sure you don't wanna do it? Fine. Ok, I got Santana and I got Brittany and when we come back, we're gunna try for $20,000."

_[Commercial Break]_

"Welcome back everybody, the Pierce family won the game and it's time to play what?"

"_Fast Money!"_

"And remember if you win five games, you win a brand new car. Now Brittany, Santana is in the back. She can't see or hear any of your answers. I'm gunna ask you five questions in twenty seconds, try to give me the top answers. If you can't think of anything, just say pass and we'll try to come back to it if we have the time. If you and Santana put together 200 points, tell everybody what you'll win."

"Money," Brittany states flatly.

"But how much?"

"Well if we're going to be specific, after all the taxes and what not are taken out, probably-"

"You'll win $20,000. That's it. Now are you ready?"

"Yes."

"20 seconds on the clock. The timer will begin after I read the first question," Steve explains before he begins. "Besides books, name something you might find in a school library."

"Pass."

"Name one of Bugs Bunny's Pals."

"Porky Pig."

"Name a reason why a woman might marry an ugly man."

"Love."

"Name a Cable TV channel that is mostly watched by kids."

"Disney."

"Name something you find at amusement parks."

"Toilets."

"Name something you might find in a library other than books."

"Can I use a life line? I wanna phone a friend."

"Wrong Show."

_Buzzer._

"Ok Brittany, that's time. Let's see how you did."

**_Porky Pig...15_**

**_Love...2_**

**_Disney...35_**

**_Toilets...0_**

"Brittany, you got 52 points. You did good. Why don't you join your Family and let's bring out Santana."

Brittany skips back over to the others, feeling pretty proud of how she did.

"Toilets, Brittany? Toilets?" Mr. Pierce asks when she arrives. "Not Roller Coasters or Ferris Wheels?"

"Yea, everywhere has them. I thought it would be a safe answer."

"Well let's hope Santana pulls through for us. We still need a lot of points."

_Back out on stage._

"Now Santana, your girlfriend got you 52 points, you'll need 148 to win."

"That's my girl right there. Good job, Britt-Britt." She smiles and gives Brittany two thumps up.

"I'm going to ask you the same questions, if you duplicate the ans-"

"Yea, yea, I already know the rules, Steve. Let's just start. I needz me more bling."

"You have some serious issues, Child and you better get them sorted."

Santana merely rolls her eyes.

"25 seconds on the clock. Let's remind everybody of Brittany's answers and let's play."

_25 seconds later.._

"Santana, that was good. Let's see how you did."

"I did amazing."

"Don't get ahead of yourself, you little devil spawn. Let's get both sets of answers on the board."

**_Brittany's answers_**

**_Porky Pig...15 _**

**_Disney...35  
_**

_**Love...2 **_

_**Toilets...0**  
_

**_Santana's answers _**

**_Desks...15 _**

**_Daffy Duck...25_**

**_ Nickelodeon...47_**

**_Money...35  
_**

"Ok Santana, you're looking good. All you need is 26 more points and you go home with $20.000."

"No *bleep*, Black Einstein."

"Girl, I will break you." Steve's grip tightens around his flash cards. This girl is itching for an ass whooping. "Dear Lord," he says as he takes a deep breath, "please give me the strength to not bend her bony ass over my knee."

"I bet you'd like that, Steven."

"Santana, enough!" Mrs. Pierce orders. "I'm very sorry for her behaviour, Mr. Harvey. Please let's just get on with the show."

Steve inhales again. "Let's see her final answer."

**_Roller Coasters...52_**

"Santana, you've done it with four number one answers! The Pierces go home with $20,000! One family down, four more to go for a chance to win more money and a new car!" You could barely hear Steve say anything over the noise of the audience.

The Pierces come around to celebrate. Brittany runs up to Santana. She lifts her easily and spins her around.

"I love you so much!" She squeals as she places her girlfriend back on the ground.

"I love you too!" Santana leans in for a kiss but there's a glint of mischief in her eye. She smirks and then does the unthinkable, she pants Brittany in front of everyone.

The room goes silent apart from some audible gasps and a few hoots and whistles coming from the audience. All eyes are now on Brittany's bare ass.

Mr. Pierce runs over to cover his daughter. "Santana, what did I tell you about pantsing Brittany?" He says between gritted teeth.

Santana shrugs and smiles a little. "Sorry, habit."

Steve's mouth is on the floor. He picks it back up only to say, "I love my job."

"Wanky."

* * *

_**Let me know what you think. *smiley face*  
**_


End file.
